Monday, March 28, 2011

My Life in Ruins

"Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way." – Anonymous

In spite of some prior blogs, I don't fancy the written manner of anything morose or macabre. I pride myself on being a little off-beat, off-color and sometimes off-kilter. I have a been accused of late of occasional lapses into obscurity and a penchant for tomfoolery. I assumed both as compliments.

I often jest and ridicule the masses, of course secretly, since most of my existence is within my own private Idaho.

My "intellectual libidinous" nature provides me the confidence that with a few exaggerated pantomime moves I can conjure the best in situational absurdity and make you love me and agree I am "one of a kind."

However, on this day the crashing realization that I had transformed into a bottom feeding parasite was never more evident. It's not my fault, the devil does walk among us.

For four days in a row, I awoke at 5:00 a.m. like the dolt I have secretly become, filled with an eager anticipation and periodicals to pass the time, then headed out the door. I arrived at the mall, still dark outside. As I neared the Apple store, hopes of buying the iPad 2 was my single-minded focus.

However, for the fourth day in a row I left without my new device in hand. Either there were too many in line in front of me (did the others stay in the mall hiding as mannequins?), not enough arrived at the stores or they were stocked with the wrong type.

Damn you Steve Jobs!

Vowing to end this charade and never to return, I slunk out the mall at 7:45 a.m. I needed a pick me up and headed to the nearest Starbucks in hopes of erasing this whole ordeal.

I'm not making this up, the line was out the door. I am not positive, but I a believe some of the patrons were my former brethren from the mall.

Mr. Jobs meet your long lost twin, Mr. Schultz.

The similarities were too striking. Like the mall, I realized we are a nation of masochists, mirroring the collective descent into the struggles of bovine.


With double espresso in hand, my race for redemption was rampant. I ingested the black gold in one swig, fired up the car and raced for the highway to get to a meeting in Miami, 45 miles from my current location.

You guessed it, after waiting in traffic the whole ride, I acceded at my destination 2.5 hours later.

I have waxed poetic to leaders of business about the marketing importance of tapping into tribal societies and ritual … never realizing along the way I'm at the head of the line.


Gregory Salsburg
Miami | New York | London
c: (561) 386-8064
o: (305) 407-1723

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